


Christmas Lists

by I_was_BOTWP



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Humor, Lists, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 02:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_was_BOTWP/pseuds/I_was_BOTWP
Summary: Ron reflects on all of the reasons why Pansy shouldn't love him. He makes a list by the light of a Yule candle.





	Christmas Lists

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LightofEvolution](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightofEvolution/gifts).



> Thanks to LightofEvolution for putting together this fun advent fest! I had to use one candle in my story and a quote from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Let's see if you sharp readers can find the quote.
> 
> Alpha love to the lovely ElleMartin

Pansy always insisted they leave a candle lit in the window during the week leading up to Yule.  She called it her “sun-catcher”. Ron went along with her family tradition.  His family had switched from the pagan holiday of Yule to the Christian one of Christmas so long ago even Aunt Muriel didn’t know when it had happened, and that biddy knew every bit of family gossip.

It wasn’t a big thing, but it was one of many things Ron did for love.

He should count the things he did for Pansy, he decided one night while sitting up long after everyone else had gone to bed, the light from the Yule candle the sole illumination in the room.

  1. He put up with Draco sodding Malfoy coming round for brunch.


  1. She’d hired an etiquette coach for Ron. The poncy tosser had come two hours, three times a week, for six months. That was 156 hours of his life he was never getting back.


  1. Ron wore tailored clothes.  Which meant some strange bloke had to get closer to his bollocks than he’d ever be comfortable with.  And Pansy always made sure she was present when he got measured because she took some sort of perverse pleasure in watching Ron’s ears turn pink as he held his breath, hoping no fingers that weren’t his own or Pansy’s would accidentally brush up _there_.


  1. He’d had to tell Hermione he owned a House Elf.


  1. Pansy had thought it quaint to get married in the backyard of The Burrow.  Ron had not wanted the same type of wedding two of his older brothers had before him.  Imagine his chagrin when he’d discovered his wife thought it an excellent idea to carry on the tradition. Granted, it had still been an extravagant affair. Magic could accomplish quite a bit with the interior of a tent.


  1. On Saturdays, he listened to Pansy prattle on with Daphne (when the other woman wasn’t being a snide bitch) about the latest fashions, then pretended he could remember all of the important details when called upon to comment on Pansy’s new purchases.


  1. On Sundays, he listened to Pansy gossip with Millicent about who was having an affair with whom.  Honestly, this one did mildly interest him, but he’d rather puke slugs again than admit it.  The two witches were sure Malfoy had a mistress.


  1. Ginny. Merlin, Ginny.  His little sister would not ever let it go that his wife tried to give her husband over to Voldemort.  Harry had moved on.  Why couldn’t Ginny? He spent most family gatherings policing Ginny to cut off comments before the witch worked herself up. Just once, he’d like to feel safe leaving his sister and wife alone.


  1. Speaking of Ginny, Ron also put up with Blaise Zabini’s obviously repressed lust for Ginny. The arsehole had some issues. Pansy reminded Ron constantly that Blaise should be pitied rather than hated.  Something about his mum screwing him up with her skewed outlook on relationships.  But it was so difficult to remember that when he caught the wanker staring at Ginny’s backside.


  1. Pansy was a Ballycastle Bats fan. Her family had season tickets.  He felt like such a traitor every time they went to a game and he enjoyed himself. It was too easy to enjoy himself at games where the home team often won.


  1. Their kids had plant names.  Rose and Bracken.  Bracken that rhymed with Kraken.


  1. Actually, he liked the name Rose, that last one should come off the list.


  1. Draco sodding Malfoy was Bracken’s godfather. (Harry was Rose’s, so there was that.)


  1. Speaking of that Yule candle, Pansy had other strange traditions this time of year.  There were dried orange slices hanging everywhere. She had the kids doing craft projects with pine boughs, hawthorn or holly berries, and pretty much anything they dragged in from the woods; they turned them into spirals and weird offerings on altars.


  1. He’d had to buy items from George’s Wonder Witch line for Pansy.  More than once, as George delighted in reminding him.


  1. Molly baked cakes, tarts, biscuits, you name it, and came by with them on a nearly weekly basis.  The kids could eat as much of them as they wanted.  Pansy kept Ron on a strict diet, so he had to sneak tastes.  The moment his waistline measurement changed, Pansy gave him a scathing look.


  1. Pansy liked to be on top when they shagged. Oh wait, that shouldn’t be on the list at all.  He bloody well loved watching her ride him. He wasn’t very good at this list making idea.


  1. Pansy’s mother raised Crups. Lots of Crups.  It was a regular Crup mill at her estate.  Going to visit the witch was a nightmare.  Poor Ken (did anyone really expect Ron to refer to his son by his full given name?) turned into a nervous wreck anytime they mentioned grandmother’s house.  So, now Barbara Parkinson only came to their house.


  1. Hermione still snickered for reasons unknown whenever Ron confided to her about Ken’s issues with Barbie.


  1. Pansy snored.


  1. Ron decided they needed a Quidditch pitch on their property.  They had plenty of land for it. Pansy declared it gauche. Ron put his foot down and built it anyway.  Now he had to endure her sniffs of disdain whenever his mates, and some of hers, came over to play a game. Although she conveniently overlooked her issues on the summer days when it was hot enough to declare a skins vs shirts match.


  1. Ron’s last name was now Weasley-Parkinson. He’d taken her name and reversed the traditional order of hyphenating.  More than one of his friends had expressed surprise. He’d shrugged.   _There are plenty of Weasleys_ , had been his sanguine reply.


  1. That little glowing Yule candle cost more galleons than Christmas dinner for his entire family had growing up. It was obscene how much Pansy could spend on a bit of scented wax. Sitting alone late at night, firewhisky in hand, staring at the flickering light, was leading him towards romanticizing his not-so-easy childhood.



He’d gotten this far in the list before realizing it probably wasn’t that nice of a thing to do. Good thing he wasn’t completely lacking in common sense. The list was being tallied in his head, not on parchment.

Maybe it was time to think about the things Pansy put up with because of her love of him.

  1. Hermione had given her godson, Ken, a half-kneazle two Yules ago. Ron remembered the boy picking up the box with his name on it and looking to him. _“Dad?”_ Ken had whispered with some trepidation. _“Yeah?”_ Ron had replied. _“This box is meowing,”_ Ken had said with wide eyes. _“Let me see,”_ Ron had sighed, sure he already knew what was inside. The tag on the box named the occupant Rat Catcher. Pansy hated cats, and Ken’s familiar was an extra source of tension with Barbie.


  1. Charlie was that awful uncle who Floo’ed in unannounced, gave the kids inappropriate presents, riled them up, then departed for an evening out in the pubs.  Usually Ron joined him, leaving Pansy to deal with kids on a sugar high.


  1. George was that other awful uncle who gave the kids _wildly_ inappropriate presents.


  1. Could Ginny be counted as a liability on both sides of his list? She really was the bane of both their existences sometimes.  Yet, in the end, she was his sister and he loved her.


  1. His dad took the kids to flea markets in Muggle London and let them buy broken electronics.


  1. Harry’s kids were bloody menaces and questionable influences upon theirs.


  1. He was still in the news all of the time; especially this time of year, it seemed, as Witch Weekly loved to write holiday fluff pieces. They took extra pleasure in catching people out holiday shopping, making a story out of the items they were buying. Pansy detested being caught in unflattering situations.



Ron was pretty sure that was it.  _ Shite, I'm a lucky man _ , he thought as he drained the last drops of his drink. The second list may look shorter, but he was sure the things on his side far outweighed the minor nuisances on hers.

He walked out of the room, the warm glow behind him ready to welcome in the solstice. 


End file.
